The Emotional Turmoil Called Love

Yes I, Gisei will be joining this Daily Prompt, It states:
We all have something we’d like to write about, but that doesn’t really “fit” our blog. Write it anyway.

The Emotional Turmoil Called Love

I have been in love many times, I’ve been in a relationship only twice, and the both of them is an open ending. I have tried many times to be with the girl i like but i keep giving up half-way. I only ended up with the 2 girls that fell for me. Why is that so? I gave up as soon as i was presented with competition. I never liked competing with another guy for a girl, I never looked at myself as anyone that could do better than anyone. Why is that so? I have a bestfriend that endured hardship for almost 3 years for a girl, i cheered him on all the way, when he finally got her it felt like i’ve won myself seeing such hardship and not giving up halfway. Unlike me who only took a step and stood without taking another step. I felt envious, envious that my friends have such amazing stories to tell regarding their love lives. What do i have? “I gave up half way” , “We broke up, why? no reason…”.

Everybody have such amazing stories to tell, mostly because they strive, they endured. What about the people like me who don’t exert effort but wait in the sidelines for someone to approach. All i can do is wish for better stories to tell. I’ve always been the one listening. I don’t want to be given a relationship i want to HAVE a relationship! to feel pain, to feel the struggle of going through everything for a girl. Being in a relationship where there were no further questions asked is lame, I have sat through it thinking if i have feelings for my partner or did i just accept to say that I am in a relationship? at the end of the day it feels nothing, no sense of achievement, nothing.

I like singing songs that depicts my feelings, Singing with just myself feels so right that i can use any note or tone i want. Singing with a crowd however is a different story. Hesitation, Shame dwells through my mind, “He sounds like a girl”, “is he gay?”. I like singing songs that have a higher pitch but due to hesitation in an open crown i can’t quite find the right sound. There is this one girl. Whenever my friends and I are going to hang out i’d always wish she’d come along I thought i was in love with her, it turns out I was in-love with her voice, i didn’t knew that back then so i thought i was in love with her, i even confessed. When she sings everything felt right. When she sings with me the crowd disappears and it was just me and her and the song. I love that feeling, i wanted it to continue… but it can’t.

So now i can happily say I am focused on another love of mine, one i can say I love more than myself, one i have been in love with for 9 years. Japan Daisuki~ ^_^

What is love? It has many meanings, it has various causes, it has different effects. One thing about love that everybody agrees on is that it always felt right.

One Response to “The Emotional Turmoil Called Love”
  1. Sutra says:

    Yep, love can be mean different depending on who and what situation people in.

    If you ask me, I also fell in love twice, The first one I got rejected instantly and it give me very shocked and blurry days. Days feel like has no meaning to me, but friend of mine cheer me up, it realy thanks to him, I can opened my heart again.
    The second, I don’t want to be hurt again so I used different method of expressing my feeling to her but, sigh, she never noticed it until the day we graduate, oh god, she’s so dense. And I give up of her after hearing that she already had a boy, again I felt so shocked and depressed, but I dont feeling so down like the first time, perhaps it’s the power of maturity =D

    So basically I never in any relationship till today, yes I know, I never date any girl before, and I feel like wasted my youth just like that. Sigh. I lost my confidence.

    Love can felt warm at time but after it fades it feels so cold and it can change people both better or worse. “LOVE IS AMAZING YET TERRIFYING”

    And so goes my story of life. I hardly fell in love now, I don’t know why…….

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